Since I posted a little about my health last time it’s safe to say I spend quite some time in hospital for lengthy admissions. Ever since I was a baby i’ve been in and out constantly. Some admissions recently have lasted up to 7 weeks. So it’s essential to bring in your own entertainment.
When I was younger i’d bring in whatever gaming console or handheld I was playing at the time, which passed the hours in seconds. I would also bring in plenty of VHS tapes. Then DVD’s in later years. Then Blu Rays after that. Now it’s digital films.
I’ve never liked going digital completely but when it comes to digital codes, Ultraviolet codes, i’m addicted to buying them for my hospital stays. I have Netflix and the Sky app as well to watch along with my digital film collection. I still buy Blu Rays regularly as i’ll always love owning the physical media of something, be it games or films, but not all the films come with codes.
I still haven’t ventured in to paying full price for codes from digital retailers like iTunes or Google Play. I only buy my codes from eBay or use the ones I get with the Blu Rays I buy. I’m not against buying from iTunes or any other digital service as i’ve currently added a few films to my iTunes wishlist. It’s mostly horrors which I can’t get digital codes for and there’s a good chance they won’t ever get an Ultraviolet release either so buying from iTunes is probably my best bet if I want to watch them whilst in hospital. Yet i’m still hesitant in paying near full price to Apple or Google for the digital version of a film when I can get codes off eBay for between £1-£3 each. Sometimes the digital price on those retailers sites are more expensive than the physical Blu Ray release, which is madness to me. I don’t care about ease of use with the digital collection, it’s much cheaper for these companies to sell a digital code on their site than having to manufacture a physical release and ship them out. So the digital prices should be much lower than a physical price.
Rant aside my digital collection has grown over the last year. I have around 150 digital films. Not many compared to my 400+ Blu Rays or the 800+ DVD’s I used to own. It’s still a nice little selection to have for when i’m stuck staring at 4 walls for weeks on end. Not to mention the many thousands of films/tv shows I can access through Netflix and Sky on their apps. Now i’m off to see what new codes have been listed on eBay 😃
When I created this blog I wasn’t too sure if I would talk about my personal life. I’m still unsure as to how much i’ll say now as I type. The blog’s initial aim was and is a place for me to write about things I enjoy. Be it a film, a game, a book or anything in between (I’m definitely steering clear of talking about my beloved Arsenal). Somewhere I could practice my writing and put down my thoughts on things. Well this is probably the best place I can go (since barely anyone will read it 😏) to open up about things that have been a struggle.
A lot of people don’t open up about their struggles. We know as people we can be fragile and holding things in is detrimental to our mental health. People don’t like to be a burden to others. Or they’re too “strong” to seek advice. So this is where i’m going to open up.
I consider myself strong mentally as my best friend is someone I talk things through with a lot. See, we both have a medical condition called Cystic Fibrosis. So we could chat to each other anytime we have a problem or are struggling. I’m always there when he needs me and he’s there when I need him. It works. We’ve been best friends for years. Going through an isolating illness, due to cross infection CF people must keep away from each other, we help each other through everything.
Well on the 25th of April, only a few weeks ago, I lost my best friend. We were both patients on the ward. I would walk up to his room some evenings and sit for a chat (no we didn’t listen to our team about keeping apart). We texted every day for years. I was talking to him only the night before. He was only 29.
Over the years i’ve lost countless friends to this disease. Some in my childhood. Many as adults. There were about 40-50 people I knew and grew up with from the children’s hospital. I can probably count on 1 hand how many are left.
My best friend was on the transplant list. He waited and waited. Calls came and went. But none were acceptable lungs. He fought long and hard. He held on as long as he could. I wouldn’t say this out loud to his family but I think he was just too tired to fight any more. I tried so hard to push him. He tried hard to do things that would help him. But his energy was just gone. His mind was tired. The mountain was just too big.
I’m now at the stage where I need a transplant asap. No matter how hard it gets I will not give in. But i’ll admit it’s extremely tough at the minute. There’s so many other problems CF can bring. Not just lung problems. The fact I can’t just text my mate, which i’ve been close to doing multiple times then realising I can’t, to talk through things is putting so much pressure on me mentally. People offer their ear all the time. It’s not the same. Yes they’ll listen but nobody will truly understand. There’s 2 people I can really open up to in my life and now i’ve lost one of them. Sometimes, even without this disease, people can only open up to someone they totally feel comfortable with. This is how I am. I won’t open up to just anyone. I need to feel comfortable enough to go to that place with them.
This post may not make sense. I was rambling and my mind is all over the place currently. But I think it’s cathartic to write down your troubles. Just like it’s cathartic to talk to someone about your problems. Whatever works for you do it. Don’t let things eat you up.